“You always have to have the last word.” My husband says this to me, well, I won’t tell you how often.
The last word can stem from impatience. Trying to push with words. It’s one last push.
“Let’s do it—now!” on my end. The men I dated as the one I married, seemed to always say, “later.” Whether planning for an outing, picking up groceries or looking at a broken sprinkler, nothing seemed to happen exactly NOW. I always liked men less driven than me.
Opposities attract. And opposites attack.
Frustration breeds conflict on both sides. Conflict is not bad. It drives us to compromise. When we do our part and acknowledge our timing is not always the best, whether early or late, we can get to the middle.
I looked at a graph of the consequence to those who do not work out conflict. One side of the graph shows isolation, shutting down and worst case scenario, suicide. The other side showed anger leading to violence leading to homicide. We all know the jokes about that side!
“You’re like every other couple,” our marriage counselor moved her hands from the right side of the table to the left. “One is a slow processor and needs to think about things, the other is a fast processor, who thinks and moves quickly.”
It’s the speaking quickly and jumping to conclusions too fast—that gets us in arguments.
Steve, the slow one is in his head adding up numbers and scenarios…and comes to decisions slow. I think out loud so even if something isn’t quite where it needs to be, I’ll tweak it while I’m thinking out loud. NOught! Steve asks, “How could That work?” Well, my first thoughts don’t always reflect the final conclusions I’m coming to—because I’m thinking out loud. This leads him to frustration.
I have to prequalify my verbage with “I’m not coming to conclusions yet, I just want us to do something about this and think with you.”
Steve must question me, “Do you really mean you are going to sell that to get this? before he shoots down my ideas. They are ideas, words not set in cement yet…I’m brainstorming.
I’m always encouraged when I leave our counselor. We have been learning to communicate for 3 years now. I don’t feel bad about that. One woman told me it took her ten years in her marriage.
“If you were alike, you wouldn’t need each other. He brings balance to you, because you would be all over the place—he slows you down. And you give him the little push to get going—you put a little light under him.” Our counselor smiled at both of us sweetly and added. “I was really happy when my husband was late this week to an event, so it isn’t always me.”
Wives..”adorn yourselves with a precious inner self, unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (para 1 Peter 3:4)
Husbands…”be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect…so nothing will hinder your prayers.” (I Peter 3:7)