1    Pray for a Spirit of Humility

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways and he will make your paths straight…Be not wise in your own eyes.  Proverbs 3:5-7

Avoid “If I do this or this happens then that must mean this will come about,” type of thinking. Obsessions. Pride. God’s thoughts are higher than mine on any given situation or person. He has perspective and understanding I don’t. Surrender.

What does the Lord require of you? To do justly, to love mercy, to walk humbly with God.    Micah 6:8

2    Be quick to listen, slow to wrath and slow to become angry                                                                                                    James 1:19

Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires. V.20   a patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.  Prov 14:29

3    Let Go 

  Repeat it softly, prn.  Place your palm in front of your face. You can only control what’s on this side of your hand. You. Everything and everyone out there beyond —not!

 Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.   Colossians 3:15

4    Posture, Dignity Worth   

She/he is clothed with strength and dignity Prov 31:25

 Charm is deceptive and beauty/good looks are fleeting; but a woman/man who fears the Lord is to be praised  31:30

Not fooled by charm or manipulation. Valuing ourselves and others as God does. Proverbs 31 pronouns “she” can be substituted with ” he” in many verses. If you are in a relationship, read it to each other owning the pronoun depending on your gender, he or she. Walk with confidence.

As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with eachother and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.    Colossians 3:12-14 

5    Be Real   Real with God, real with people. Short accounts.

Walk as Jesus walked. He is the way, the truth (transparency), the life.

It gave me great joy to have some brothers come and tell about your faithfulness to the truth and how you continue to walk in the truth. I have no greater joy than that my children are walking in the truth.  3 John 3-4

“For every 3 climbers who reached her summit, 1 died trying.”

What does climbing one of the most dangerous mountains in the world, Annapurna, and dating have in common? If we think of the arduous trek to a summit and liken it to the adventure and emotional hazards of dating to find marriage, I think we’ve found something.

The hiker’s journal chronicled his slow ascent daily moving closer, “scary and safe.” Even in the best times I have felt that mix. Have you?

Yesterday an old friend told me about a childhood friend, still unmarried—who hasn’t dated in years. “He fell in love with a woman in another country while living there years ago. Her parents said no—it messed him up,”  Recently, I heard of another man who dated and fell in love early in life only to be scorned. His broken heart never healed. He hasn’t dated for years. Both these men have hearts that have not stopped beating. They are not dead, yet.

So what if they decide to try again? Besides praying for courage and starting conversation, some polling statistics gathered by a dating service It’s Just Lunch, are good guidelines for the starting phase of “getting to know you.”

Don’t’s on the First Date: 

• 40% Talking about ex
• 35% Using cell phone, texting, etc.
• 19%  Not making eye contact
•   3%  Talking business, money, career
•   3%  Name dropping

Best Topics for Conversation First Date:

• 52% Hobbies, interests
• 24% Travel
• 10% Family
• 8% Movies
• 6% Food

The Annapura climber shared, “as a teenager I avidly devoured mountaineering and polar narratives.” He is writing about his passion in Southwest Air magazine. The wives of the climbing team hid goodies in their packs. Their shared passion and support extended to giving their husbands great distance and weeks of separation .

Although faith isn’t mentioned, we never need fear sharing our passion if it is our faith, anytime on a date. (Considering some of us are more verbal than others, over time we will discover what truly fuels eachother) Because if it is in our spirit, we need a person who’s intent on climbing the narrow path Jesus spoke of, and packing for heaven.

And even if we prepare, pack well, give time and use all our experience to date a person and head toward a lasting relationship, sometimes the obstacles are just too much. Dating involves risk and energy.  The experienced climbers, Annapurna hopefuls, felt defeated by the avalanche. But they are still alive, because they abandoned camp after much study and thousands of miles. “Nothing felt right…I’ve learned by now to accept defeat. The mountain always calls the shots.”

But that doesn’t mean this is their last trip. Nor is it ours who are single and studying.

“When I walked out of my marriage after twenty years, I didn’t have a clue what love was.” We all listened in rapt attention as our leader spoke. “I remember sitting there one morning wondering if I was loveable.  I wasn’t a Christian and I wouldn’t be one for another 6 months—I was so empty. I had nothing.”

“We were studying love and how if we know God we know love—I never knew love until God came into my life.”

Sometimes as singles we expect more of those who have been married. I was dumbfounded in my thirties when I began dating people who had been married before. Up until that time I had little experience with dating and really communicating heart to heart with the opposite sex. I surmised the man I was dating would be a much better communicator than I.

Unfortunately, he was not. After a few tries, stumped at the same communication crossings, I realized how many marriages, even Christian seeded marriages, were wrecking grounds—words like ammunition fired like  shrapnel—loaded with intent to spread the most harm to the other spouse. Soon to be the walking wounded and divorced.

Now, with the understanding we have all gained, in each relationship we encounter, beginning with the friendship, social phase, we can pray that we are instruments of healing to one another, whether single and timidly beginning to connect and date or divorced and courageously trying again. We want to mirror Christ to our friends, his patience, kindness and love. This is the Way of our Leader, our Lord. The Lord of  love and the Greatest Communicator.  The Word of Life. The Author of Salvation. Jehovah Rophah, our healer. Surely if we ask Him, He will teach us.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.  1 John 5:14

“Life is like marriage; it’s up and it’s down,” Grandma used to say moving her hand up and down in the air like an elevator on the blitz.

I often thought of her witticism in my twenties because it meant good times and bad times come to all, single or married, even as I longed for marriage to fulfill my life.

Before I had long-lasting relationships beyond the first few months of infatuation, it offered a wise perspective from a woman married many years.  It said unhappiness in a marriage (not talking about abuse of course) is not necessarily a problem with the marriage:  finances, health, purpose, relationships, focus, unfortunate circumstances as well as unforeseen blessings blow in and out of season for each of us. It meant we can’t blame someone else if we are unfulfilled or judge they are not contributing to our lives in some way if life is spiraling and stale.

A friend complained her fruit trees produce tons of apples last year and a lot less this year. We may feel we are stagnating in certain situations and want change now, married or single, when it could be better if we allow God to work with our attitude. Focus on what we have rather than what we don’t even as the seasons will surely change and all things will pass.

When I turned 39—the worst year of my single life because the Need-to-start-a-family-by- 40-Pressure is volcanic—I vividly recalled a conversation with a married friend.

I was single and in pain—love-stuck in an orbiting relationship. She was married and in pain, her husband out of work again, trapped in the mire of financial loss and unsettled emotions pervading their home life again.

“I can’t remember what it is like to live a day, a life, without pain,” she lamented.

“I can’t either,” my voice lilted. “I had a few moments today, at lunch and when I was shopping. Otherwise I’m always aware of the ache.”

Five years later we exchanged another similar conversation—that struck a chord in my memory.

“I’m doing good” She stated heartily. “I’m not in pain anymore,” she mused. “Can’t remember the last day I felt it!”

“Me too!” I rejoined. “Isn’t that amazing how God brought us through that terrible time a few years ago…when we were engulfed in it?”

I  will never forget those two brief conversations with the same friend because it echoes the lives of all of us…at some point and for different reasons. We all go through seasons of pain that God acknowledges in Revelations. It is not just an emotional week or brief encounter with sorrow. In Greek it means anguish. It is the ache of a broken life, an altered dream, an adjustment to a new normal or the hangover of a crisis. It feels like a prison sentence. And it will pass. It is important to know this when it feels like it will never end.

A single friend who married at fifty said she had the aching longing every single day of her forties until she married at fifty. A man who grieved the early loss of his wife bore it for five years after her death.

God separates this deep pain from more temporary sorrows and sadness in Revelations describing heaven, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or sorrow (mourning in Greek) or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away.” Rev 21:4

Isn’t it comforting to know God separates sorrow from pain? He created us and He understands our emotional needs.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed (wasting away), for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”                                                           Lamentations 3:24

Lord of the Ringless is an awesome book. Every single person should read it.

This morning I listened to the troubled teen before me.

“Pray for my court date. They said I could get 40 years to life.” I cringed inside, That’s a pretty rough statement to digest for an eighteen year old youth.

“But I’m hoping they see it was self-defense. My Grandma said, ‘God could move mountains.’”

“Yes, He can,” I agreed. “I worked as a nurse for almost thirty years. What you have been told and how it feels is no different than cancer patients I had who told me a doctor told them twenty years ago, ‘You have 6 weeks left.’ I caught a curious glint from the sad brown eyes facing me.

“Men’s words can leave you feeling hopeless. That’s why you have to look to God. He rules. Men may tell you bad news, hopeless words. A man, whether a judge or a doctor, may not know God has something else ahead— something no one knows…”

Two months ago a man I know of, married with 2 children, was told he would never use his arms again or be able to work. Can you imagine being told you can never use your arms or hands again? the teenager shook his head, eyes wide. We all prayed for him. He flew out of state to a different medical team. This week, that man is back working at his job using his arms.

None of us knows what can happen to change our life course. God has a perspective, because He is God, no one on this earth can see. It was easy to speak confidently of God’s ways and words. Life experiences provide a reservoir to draw from for older believers as myself.

“Whatever you hear, even if they say forty years for your sentence, don’t take it to heart. In five years God can put another judge to see things in a new light. New evidence, new mercy. Don’t let man’s words steal your hope. Keep your eyes on God like the young man David did in the deserts of Judea with an army after him threatening he would cease to exist.”

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

Today reminded me to trust God for my little friend and trust His words and ways could blast open the doors of hope again and lighten the cross this young man must carry. “Although this is your cross, it is not forever.” We reflected on Hebrews 12:1,2  Jesus for the joy set before Him endured the cross.  He gained the heavenly perspective in the garden and then for the joy set before him, endured the cross the next day. He knew it wouldn’t be forever. Our bad times are not forever either. All trials will end on this earth. The path may be steep, and may be long but it is also limited.

Forever is where we will be together with all the over comers of this life starting today.

What a comfort God gives. What relief His mercy brings.  No matter what human court sentences or scientific mind predicts hurling hope into a dark void,  the sun will come out tomorrow. Hope’s glimmer begins with but a simple acknowledgement God is with us. We are never alone. He can tip the scales anytime and weigh in heavily for us…on life.

Our trials will transition one day on into forever. Let us encourage one another daily with God’s language— hope.

A group of writer’s sat around a lovely living room in the hills of California. Outside in the picturesque pool surrounded by large river rock children laughed and splashed in the sun. Our hostess and mother of four, Joanne Kraft,  is the author of a new book, “Just Too Busy: Taking Your Family on a Radical Sabbatical.”

The book describes the slower journey her family navigated after deciding to take a radical sabbatical for a year and it’s benefits. They were a typical American family going every which way and loose, crisscrossing a million directions every day. Driving to practices and games, coordinating schedules for their parents taxi service, throwing down meals and eventually plopping into bed to start all over… something was missing. Real connection. Time for reflection. Being a family all together all at once.

How to achieve this dream and longing of the parents hearts? Stop. Stop all activities. Even though this worked for them, she also suggests ways to cut back that may be a little less radical for other families.

Single parents have more of a challenge, but they also can benefit by limiting thier extensions. If we as adults are intentional about focusing on the Lord and scaling down our circular patterns, so the children will follow who are under our care. Then life leaves footprints  others can trace, a family history and legacy, unobscured from sand blown in by the winds of time.

You can visit Joanne at JoanneKraft.com

Today, I met with David Andrew, a fabulous young collegiate and inspirational poet. I hope you enjoy his heart for God as I have by reading his works! Grab a cup of coffee and reflect on these words. You can find more of his poetry in his ebooks.

“Sometimes, we face circumstances that seem bad; but often, they are simply God moving in ways we have never seen before and therefore do not recognize His hand.” –David Andrew

When the Father Moves in Secret

Assumptions fall to pieces when the Father moves in secret.
His glory is revealed when the Father moves in secret.
Everything I ever was, everywhere I’ve ever been,
Not so say I never was, but given only unto Him,
O my God, fantastic worth! The purpose that You bring to life!
Unequivocally, in truth; Yours, the right to supersede.

As I pray for greater faith, as I long for open eyes,
Be the center of my mind—the thought reality defies.
Think not, my soul, you are alone; only blind to what you’ve seen,
All the hardship you’ve been shown exists for you to learn to lean
In fullness and dependence sweet—learn to weep at Jesus’ feet.
When wilderness and Presence meet, life is with Your joy, replete.

Where I find Your nearness, God, that is where I choose to live!
Where I see You stirring, God, that is where I choose to go!
Abba, when I cannot feel, open up my heart to give
The strongest cry of love You’ve heard that those who love Your Word may know:
Eyes of sight will fail you when the Father moves in secret.
May Jesus be revealed! Holy Father, move in secret!

Staying on the Same Page:  Questions to Focus a Relationship.

Recently a friend, Cheryl, shared questions she adapted from career goals to focus her relationship with a man she has been dating.  It was a good way to review and refocus their growth goals as a couple. What I like about it is taking the time to build  a good foundation takes, just that—time.  Evaluation and re-evaluation.  I remember a story where a builder being prompted to hurry the foundations of a stage in time for production asked,” Do you want it done fast, or do you want it done right?”  They postponed the play until the following week.

Agreement Plan/  Discussion

• curfew

• work days

• play/date days

• schedules (work, meetups, church, tennis, friends, family, clients, etc..) and within that schedule, we would ‘schedule’ additional time during which we would discuss what is going on with us, how we feel we are progressing, what may be bothering us, things we may need clarification about, how each of us is showing up, etc.

What I/we liked about me and my/our relationship in (winter)**.

What can be improved upon?

My/our top five (spring) goals are to _________.

My commitment to me, so that I will be successful is ________.

What will it take for me/us to be successful?

I will take care of me by _______. This will add to my relationship because _______.

The things I admire and acknowledge in my partner are _____.

Questions I have for my partner are ______.

** can be substituted for time period you are evaluating and goaling.

Moonlight Creative Works          Cheryl Wood
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Graphic Design for print and web. Identity and marketing solutions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.moonlightcreativeworks.com

http://www.facebook.com/moonliightcreativeworks

http://www.linkedin.com/in/cherylawood

I'm trying to remember to pray for humility every day. Why? Because it doesn't come naturally. I don't know how to live in it. I remember asking God after reading Micah 6:8 What does the Lord require of us? "To do justly , to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God.

" "What does humbly with our God', mean God? "

I know God is hugely humble and gentle. He made the flowers and spindly legged spiders and soft billowy clouds. He whispers. When Jesus walked here, he stopped often to smell the roses and give them away to those around Him, by listening, helping, healing emotionally and physically by touching hearts and hands.

Translated for me it is Gentleness. Love in action. Consideration for others and meeting needs as God directs. Allowing time for the other person to talk and being willing to listen and learn. Humility is demonstrated daily on the field of life. God calls us to maintain a gentle attitude in our relationship with others, while we are listening to Him–the one who is gentle and humble of heart.

We just finished a series at our church where we talked about Divine Interruption- recognizing when God is allowing our daily path to take a detour or a pause for an interaction with someone we hadn’t planned on.

Jesus did that all the time. But since we are not Jesus, and tuned in to God the Father as he was, we need to stay mindful what is happening in our moments—rather than rush on by and miss opportunities God is placing before us to give, to bless, to entertain angels unawares.

 I heard John Ortberg, pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian church, refer to Christian leaders as "Guardians of the Soul."

 It touched that scripture I love in 1 Peter 3:1 that says we are now called to live in righteousness for “we have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of our souls." One thing leads to another.  So we are in this world to tend others as he tends us; to comfort with the comfort he gives us.

 It’s really hard for me, selfish as I am, to tune in to others when I am feeling the heat myself. It’s basic human nature to take more interest in mwa.

Maybe that’s why it took Moses forty years tending sheep in the desert and learning God’s ways. He learned to listen on a long time out from the pleasures of living as a prince in a palace and being served. He learned to listen to and share the burdens of everyday living and provision through his wife’s family. To let them sharpen him as a person. No doubt he learned humility letting humble folk, practical people around him speak into his life—before he was ready to lead, help and live with a million of his clan  as they journeyed around a desert.

 I once listened to Dr. Dan Allender as he discussed a crossroads in his life: the decision to work at a seminary or start a graduate school. The list of advantages, disadvantages, was a quickie. The pro-con list stacked up for the seminary position with benefits—and ease. But then his wife looked at him and said, "You've never been able to do anything normal. Why start now?"

 "My wife was reading my story," he said.

She knew the direction it went. She knew him and understood the Author's heart for her husband. It is amazing how people who know and understand us can see better than we sometimes, many times…what we need; the direction we should go.

Today maybe I, maybe you, can be more open to listen to those on our path. It takes humility. They may know something we don't. They may have something to offer us, a novel thought. It doesn't happen for me unless I make a mental note and pray for God to help me. Not only to pause in pursuit of the next direction marker listening to others observations, but also aware God may be using them to meet a need I don't even know I have.  

And as we pray for those God puts on our mind, in our heart, we know they are on His heart. He most surely is putting our needs before them too. We are a great blended family down here. Together we are helping eachother to daily learn His ways, and hear his footsteps as we walk close to the heels of our Humble Good Shepherd.