Today my friend asked us to pray for her daughter, a new college grad who has a panel interview upcoming for her first job.
A memory triggered of me as a twenty year old student who stood at the top floor of the university library. The best vantage point to overlook the treetops and see beyond the grounds of the campus surroundings where I wanted to obtain a degree.
A paper dangled from my hands, my second rejection letter in two years. I had applied the second time to our California State school, hoping for acceptance to the nursing program. This time, I had all points for completed classes but my interview points were lower. One point from the cutoff, to be exact. The struggle was knowing the previous year I had received those extra interview points. And I felt better about it this year!
Thoughts barraged me.
Should I keep waiting and apply again next year? Why couldn’t I score better at my interview this year as last? I would have gotten in… one point away?
I questioned God.
Couldn’t you cause one of the interviewers to subjectively give me 7 instead of a 6?
What is the wisdom now to my last resort, of accepting the invitation to the JC nursing program for an AA? For the same time commitment to either program, yet two years of study at junior college and I will graduate with an AA, instead of a BA?
Disappointment. Dismay. Discouragement. Eventually, I pulled out the Bible I had begun to use three years before, when I accepted Jesus at seventeen. My life manual. Where God guided me and counseled me. Where I found courage hope and strength.
“Help me Lord to feel better about this.” I felt so heavy.
Opening to Psalms 75:2 , I read; You say, I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge uprightly. When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm. Selah.
On verse 5, the words jumped from the page. I felt deeply God was speaking directly to me through His Word.
No one from the east or the west or from the desert can exalt a man. But it is God who judges. He brings one down, he exalts another.
I reread and pondered the Scripture. I had given God my life and asked Him to guide my path. He had heard – and He answered. No, to this place for me. If He wanted me in this program, it would have happened.
He did not… It was someone else’s spot to fill. The JC was the best place for me to learn and obtain my degree. My place in the program was already there waiting, and the people I would be involved with for the next two years. His reason and comfort lifted the weight of doubt.
I left the library that day and wondered if I might someday understand why I didn’t get in, but accepted the decision as sovereign. I now felt ready to pursue the path and course God had laid out for me at the JC.
Two years later I graduated with my AA, passed boards and moved to other cities and traveled, eventually returning to my hometown years later.
Then, I pursued another course of study at that same university for a different BA program that was terribly impacted. Many students complained waiting semesters for the class they needed. The people who did not already have a BA had first choice. I breezed through.
Now when I returned to that library floor I smiled. God helped a young college student grasp the message of His Word and the way He can speak through Scripture very personal and very real.
The perspective I gained years before, how He alone is The Judge behind any human judge or court, brought an understanding to my heart and spirit, beyond what my human eyes could see.
I would return to this passage in the years to come, in seeking acceptance quicker of His will…not only for myself but for those I love and rub shoulders with. After all, there is no end to opportunities afforded to all of us to step into new territory at any time of our life, and be at peace with whatever the outcome…knowing, God is in control.
He is the blessed controller of all things…