Failing an Interview and Gaining Perspective

Today my friend asked us to pray for her daughter, a new college grad who has a panel interview upcoming for her first job.

A memory triggered of me as a twenty year old student who stood at the top floor of the university library. The best vantage point to overlook the treetops and see beyond the grounds of the campus surroundings where I wanted to obtain a degree.

A paper dangled from my hands, my second rejection letter in two years. I had applied the second time to our California State school, hoping for acceptance to the nursing program. This time, I had all points for completed classes but my interview points were lower. One point from the cutoff, to be exact. The struggle was knowing the previous year I had received those extra interview points. And I felt better about it this year!

Thoughts barraged me.

Should I keep waiting and apply again next year? Why couldn’t I score better at my interview this year as last? I would have gotten in… one point away?

I questioned God.

Couldn’t you cause one of the interviewers to subjectively give me 7 instead of a 6?

What is the wisdom now to my last resort, of accepting the invitation to the JC nursing program for an AA?  For the same time commitment to either program, yet two years of study at junior college and I will graduate with an AA, instead of a BA?

Disappointment. Dismay. Discouragement. Eventually, I pulled out the Bible I had begun to use three years before, when I accepted Jesus at seventeen. My life manual. Where God guided me and counseled me. Where I found courage hope and strength.

“Help me Lord to feel better about this.” I felt so heavy.

Opening to Psalms 75:2 , I read;  You say, I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge uprightly. When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm. Selah.

On verse 5, the words jumped from the page. I felt deeply God was speaking directly to me through His Word.

No one from the east or the west or from the desert can exalt a man. But it is God who judges. He brings one down, he exalts another.

I reread and pondered the Scripture. I had given God my life and asked Him to guide my path. He had heard – and He answered. No, to this place for me. If He wanted me in this program, it would have happened.

He did not… It was someone else’s spot to fill. The JC was the best place for me to learn and obtain my degree. My place in the program was already there waiting, and the people I would be involved with for the next two years. His reason and comfort lifted the weight of doubt.

I left the library that day and wondered if I might someday understand why I didn’t get in, but accepted the decision as sovereign. I now felt ready to pursue the path and course God had laid out for me at the JC.

Two years later I graduated with my AA, passed boards and moved to other cities and traveled, eventually returning to my hometown years later.

Then, I pursued another course of study at that same university for a different BA program that was terribly impacted. Many students complained waiting semesters for the class they needed. The people who did not already have a BA had first choice. I breezed through.

Now when I returned to that library floor I smiled. God helped a young college student grasp the message of His Word and the way He can speak through Scripture very personal and very real.

The perspective I gained years before, how He alone is The Judge behind any human judge or court, brought an understanding to my heart and spirit,  beyond what my human eyes could see.

I would return to this passage in the years to come, in seeking acceptance quicker of His will…not only for myself but for those I love and rub shoulders with. After all, there is no end to opportunities afforded to all of us to step into new territory at any time of our life, and be at peace with whatever the outcome…knowing, God is in control.

He is the blessed controller of all things


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The Doggies Next Door


I loved the little greyhounds, Allie and Sammie, who lived next door. They both shook like leaves on a stormy day in their natural state. Their breed is specific. The closest match with human behavior would be Barney Fife, better known as Don Knotts, the eccentric police assistant to Andy Griffith in Andy of Mayberry—a series that would offer us classic characters we embraced as household names. Their stories represented American family and community at it’s finest.

Recently I learned that Don as a gangly teenager, plucked chicken feathers from a machinery belt—one degrading unsavory job. Allegedly, he was skinny and jumpy—bullied by a brother and father growing up. He saved his hard-earned money until he could invest in a mannequin  to practice his passion as a ventriloquist.

He joined the military as soon as he could. Within weeks the army discovered his hidden talent —he could entertain a crowd of servicemen and make them laugh. What an asset! His popularity grew and launched a career. The attributes God gave him proved perfect for the roles he played before an even vaster audience on American television. Many of us boomers grew up in anticipation of hearing and watching the nervous little man who made us laugh simply by being himself— jerky and tremulous, unlike any other human personality most of us had ever encountered.

I had never been around tremorous, fragile Italian greyhounds, until I first met Allie and Sammie in my neighbor, Donna’s, kitchen. Curiously intrigued by their physical demeanor, their timid, sweet personalities soon won me over as they darted almost on tippy-claws, in and out, toward and away as I stood and watched—like a circling disappearing act.

It seemed they could be quickly overpowered and bullied by a big dog. I wasn’t worried about my fifteen pound mini schnauzer, Benji, but I was a bit concerned how they would fare around Sam, my rambunctious clumsy 120 pound Lab. Even one wrong step and he could crush their little legs.

The inevitable day came for their introductions. Since Allie was a rescue and mending from past abuse, Donna decided we would introduce her dog, Sammie, to my Sam. How would my Sam respond to her 8 pound Sammie? Would he dare to attempt to bully him as easy fare, just as young scrawny Don had experienced from older bigger males. Smiling, speaking softly to little Sammie, Donna carried him trembling out to our property line. I waited with my Jolly Red Giant.

What would they do?

Sam stood next to me, the top of his head at my diaphragm. His big pink nose sniffed Sammie’s tiny paws dangling from Donna’s arms.

Eyes bulging, face riveted toward my Sam, Sammie bent forward. A little red tongue appeared and swept over large pink nostrils. Friends. Laughter from us. Declarations and the same kind of pleasure we felt as children watching Mayberry episodes.

Even though we all live in a sprawling metropolis, maybe dogs with peculiarities as vast as their masters, still bring a wholesomeness to life and neighborhoods that remind us a little bit of a place we always wanted to live—a safe, pleasant community where people care and share… like Mayberry, USA.

sammy and allie

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Gals Time Out… A Quick SF Weekend Blog for Foodies…

I always thought it would be fun to be a travel writer…well I’m not. But here’s a memorable experience during my single days riveted around food that still makes me smile. Perhaps you can save up and enjoy a fun weekend too, or even an evening or day trip and use a couple ideas for food. Foodies of the world never get bored traveling,eh?

“I need a vacation!” my friend declared a number of years ago.
“OK, where do you want to go…and when?” I asked states away.
“San Francisco!” she half-hollered. “Now.” Perfect for me—an hour and a half car drive from home…

Two weeks later I picked her up on a TGIF at the Sacramento airport winging in from Nashville. So far, she had as much fun planning the trip as getting there.
“I googled the nearest route and it’s 113 to Woodland,” she directed me right out the airport exit as I headed my routine left.
“I know how to get to San Francisco.” I wryly stated native born to the Bay Area.
She insisted this was quicker…reluctant, I gave in. “Ok, I’ll try something new.”
Sure enough we hit Woodland and exited at Main Street connecting us with 113 to Davis and shooting out to 80.
We saved time- impressive.
“We have to stop at La Bou! I dream about their almond croissants every time I know I’m coming.” After a quick call, my crestfallen passenger lamented, “There’s no La Bou’s outside of Sacramento in this area.”  Seconds later she popped another request.
“I want to go to In and Out Burger! I’ve never seen them anywhere outside of California.”  Interesting this is my Dad’s favorite “healthy’ fast food

“Wow, really?!” I learned another reason why I love California.

A few new reasons, surfaced beginning with our dinner at The Slanted Door located on Ferry One. It faces the lights of Treasure Island across the Bay offering a spectacular view of the Bay Bridge which grew more beautiful around 5pm, when the sky darkened into the black of night. The lights of the bridge flashed on resembling a swooping garland of lights suspended across the bay.
The dimly lit candlelight restaurant with the black walls and rich wood tables and floors hinted toward Asian design and corresponding cuisine. Since they serve family style ordering different main dishes means more to experience for all.

The scallops melted like butter. The filet mignon was soft and savory with an awesome sauce. The crunchy sensational jicama salad stole our palate; we were amazed to pull off to such a great start in our weekend of planned progressive meals in the City that crossroads all cultures and chefs into one dining dynasty.

We were surprised and delighted. The sauces were out of this world. Awesome sauce.
The pink bulb curled in our tea actually flowered as we waited for the hot water to cool. It was delightful to drink from our fragrant glass—like sipping a garden.

Following dinner our eyes feasted on grace and agility produced by the San Francisco Ballet Company, topped by the rhythmic rhapsody and engaging choreography of Divertimento no 15, truly a beautiful thing.

Saturday morning we bubbled with excitement decking out in our finest clothes for the weekend…at midday. Rumor had it this was a gala affair; it was dress up time. Eagerly we caught our cab and spun our gossamer dreams down to the lower floor of the Ritz. A couple rich paintings that resembled those decorating the walls of museums in Europe begged our attention. Otherwise the room we bequeathed did little to stir our imagination.

The $32 course of the Chef’s best further failed to deliver the dining wonderland we’d anticipated. Other than the sorbet cream desert, from the olive bread to the tasteless salad and the lackluster pumpkin sauce over ahi, we each left the Ritz much like Cinderella fled the ball, losing a slipper and as quickly as we could.

But that night a divine mistake led to a dinner spot as Delfina’s which was next door to Delfina’s Pizzeria (the intended). We encountered an unexpected surprise. I’ve never watched anyone mince garlic with a huge knife so quick and effortless…as their designated human garlic chopper.

Delfina’s delivered. First, the bread was “the best bread I’ve ever had in my whole life.” “Where did it come from?” The bakery on the corner makes it fresh everyday… it’s called the Country Loaf,” our waitress gladly imbibed. We just looked at each other wide-eyed as happy hungry monkeys swinging into a banana plantation. The half carafe’ of fruity banana pineapple and and Gavi di Gavi Villa Sparina 2005 Piemonte created a hearty toast of triumph. Once again we were on a good track…


Check for specials. Amazingly, the rates for a hotel in SF can be cheap on the weekends. Our Marriott for 2 queen beds $87. Same with a Hyatt special once for 2 doubles $87.

It’s often cheaper to use hotel parking for $25- $35 for 24 hours… take taxi, bart and walk.

Cabs start at $3.50 in the city ½ mile. (beats looking for parking space and $$ if weekend)
Bring an envelope of dollar bills and fives for the taxi’s, buses and tips,
If you choose Uber download the app and set up your charge card on the smart phone ahead of time.
Travelocity for restaurant reviews.
Trivago works for comparing hotel prices.
Priceline for last minute specials, Hotel Tonight and provide options.


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Gaps and Grace. Growing in Marriage.

winding path in NZ

“You need to give each other more grace.“ Our marriage counselor intentionally looked each of us in the eye last week.

Gaps. My gaps stare at my mate. His stare right back at me. And our marriage counselor sees it all.

“Grace to focus on the motives and attempts. The grace to ease up on each other with patience and perseverance, instead of addressing the Gaps. “Lots of grace…” the message comes through no matter what the issue of the session.

“Honey, I’m sorry you’re having a bad day and I hope the rest of the day is better.”

This is the note I keep on my desk to remind me how to speak words of empathy.

Brilliant if I remember when the occasion actually arises

These are not words that spill from my mouth when my spouse is under fire from within or without. I have questions and advice or suggestions. Not this.

Gaps. Gaps and more gaps. In bad times they expand. In better times they shrink.

Recently I ran into a boomer newlywed who asked how I was doing two years into my marriage.

 “My husband is my iron man,” I winked quoting a verse… “as a friend to a friend, so iron sharpens iron.”

“This is hard!” The second-time arounder’s eyes widened, “We are going from Bible study to Bible study trying to figure this out.”

A professional communicator told me awhile back, “It took me ten years to learn how to communicate with my husband.”

Why does communicating—talking, listening and understanding each other have to be so hard?

 “Men’s and women’s brains are different,” our counselor relayed again last week. When we forget—we judge incorrectly.

The male mind sequences events and words in order—one event and action followed by the next, logical. He processes one thing at a time well and focuses on one project at a time. That allows him to complete his work.

Women’s brains have neurons that shoot from side to side and connect both sides of their brains at the same time. They can multitask because of it. They can have a few things going at the same time, whether conversation or projects, leave various ones and pick up where they left off on others, easily. It’s a brain function.

Some of our adjustments are because we have different personalities and methods of assessment and decision making.

“You are random—he is linear.” No protest.

“Steve can’t understand you when you make comments aside from a spoken context or speak quickly and change topics. You need to slow down, pace yourself and give what you say a context. It’s not a group of women chit-chatting away and running off on a hundred rabbit trails that intersect and eventually wind up complete.”

“Don’t talk to me like you talk to your girlfriends,” my husband kindly reminds me…often.

One thought at a time?  Easy to say. It’s easy to think I can but as I’m thinking and speaking of one thing, other thoughts pop up that add reference. At least I think it does? My husband says they are another topic. Hmm. A woman and ADHD. God help me, because I have to change…and I have always been this way. And so I pray and ask God to change me. When I married Steve, I committed to be the best I can be for this man, for our marriage. And he, me.  We are both so thankful we have a person who gives us wise counsel and feedback we sometimes can’t receive from each other.

“You have a different style. You need to find a compromise. Your way is not better or worse than his/her way,” we have both heard this reminder multiple times. It means dying to myself and what I want, including waiting to address issues he is not at the moment ready to address! I am the spontaneous—not the diplomat. It means Steve bends also in his time and focus. Humility and pleasant words, promote instruction. It is the growing ground for couples. “I can grow. You can grow. We can grow together.”

When one of us is in a dormant season or having a bad day, the other will have spaces and gaps that are not filled.

We will fail to meet each other’s needs and feel empty spaces in those places. We need to forgive the neglect and forget the bleakness of harsh words and bad attitudes.

Grace from God who loves and accepts us in our crazy ins and outs—is what fills the void. His unconditional love and presence makes up the difference every time and carries us through to the flowers. To the love that blooms again.

A love that is intentionally voiced or texted daily in our marriage simply as “I love you.”

Why? Because as we decided in premarital counseling to take this advice. It restates commitment to each other in good times and bad. Loyalty. Perseverance. Dedication to devote ourselves to being present even when we don’t feel like it. Presence. 90% of life is showing up,” I have posted in my bathroom.

But the future of our marriage is more than being around. It is actively planting seeds of love and kindness, of talking and listening, of apologizing and weeding—when the time is right. Seeds planted today, irregardless years of marriage, will sprout and blossom into fragrance we can each enjoy season by season and flowers we can each touch. Sowing seeds reaps real life displays of colorful growth in our garden of love.

At two and a half years young we are feeling less gaps, as we give each other the learning time God gives us. When I feel the Gaps within myself (or Steve’s) are expanding—I spend more time with Jesus. And so does he. We each need our Mediator, our most Wonderful Counselor who is always available 24/7.

We receive His grace to say the words, “I love you” daily. As we allow the Lord to fill the gaps with His love and comfort, unconditional love we don’t always give to ourselves or each other so readily—Jesus gives freely. Our hearts needs are soothed. His grace fills the gaps as we grow closer to God… and closer and more patient with each other.


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Framing the Picture with Patience

I am quick to toot the horn at the left turn signal, to my husband’s chagrin, if the person in front of me doesn’t step on their gas pedal around three seconds into green. So I read again recently, The fruit of the Spirit is Patience. (Galatians 5:23)

A fruit of the Spirit? A virtue from God? How many times have any of us had to pray for patience because we have run out? Some people seem to have more than others, but I have noticed it is definitely not in me to be patient too long. Anything longer than 3—3 seconds, 3 days, 3 months… and the three of us have had it… me, myself and I.

God gets that, and so He sprinkles throughout His Word these pinpricking verses as, “The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.” (Ecclesiastes 7:8)  God pricked my conscience with that one once, before I  picked up the phone to call a friend—ripe to complain so they would prod their family member who was behind on a project. Did the verse work? Yes. I stopped myself and prayed for the person instead. In God’s time, the project completed without my help or ill feelings.

Patience is a bitter plan but it bears sweet fruit. There are rewards to patience. Recently, I watched a couple of young athletes impress their viewers as they championed their sport in playoffs.

Patrick Reed was 4th back at the 17th hole in January’s PGA Hyundai Tournament in Maui. “He’s just plodding along patient and steady,” the announcers mentioned as an aside to the other top three contenders at that point on the course. The time came and Reed tied for 1st with Jimmy Walker and plodded on into overtime. He won.

“I tried to stay patient” he said when asked how he felt through course and what he did to get to champion spot.

Later that night during the NCAA championships. the announcer stated the Ohio States sophomore quarterback had to take over the last 3 games of the season after the starting quarterback was injured during playoffs. He had given a remarkable performance and their team won, his talent shining through. How was his game critiqued by announcers?

“He displays patience—rare in a young quarterback. Seasoned vets learn that. You have to be patient enough to wait for the pockets of opportunity to appear as the game goes on. Wait for the receiver to appear that will give you a possiblilty that didn’t exist a second before. Patience makes the difference in a quarterback leading a team to victory.”

No matter what the goal before us the presence of patience is necessary for completion, whether in sports, work or in our personal lives. We must establish our hearts with patience (James 5:8) and continue to rejoice in hope staying patient in tribulation, (Romans 12:12). In other words keep a good positive attitude while we plod along, like the golfer, step by step, or the quarterback, play by play.

We must be patient to wait for God to move in the heart of a spouse, child or friend for goals we are hoping they succeed in. We give grace to ourselves to falter and learn from our mistakes as we learn and grow in becoming more mature and diplomatic individuals. We must be ready to respond with the deeper fruit of patience when opportunities arise to reach personal or relational goals

Patient perseverance reasons not to throw in the towel. Not to give up—drowning in doubt or apathy from ourselves, others or difficult situations. We must speak intelligently to ourselves and not let disappointment turn into discouragement. Instead, let disappoint keep us in the game, change our strategy and polish our performance. What tools can we use? What truth will prevail if we persevere and overcome being battered by impatience?Emotional and mental sobriety are gifts that are given by the Spirit of God as we trust in His ability to work in and through us, others and changing winds.

We want to know the outcomes of life. Of relationships. Of challenges. What will happen?We must be patient and trust God, and as James 1 says, “count it all joy when you encounter various trials….and let patience have its perfect work.

Patience is the frame around the picture. It is the finishing touch to times in life when no one, even ourselves, knows the whole picture and how it will turn out. We are not expected to know the outcomes in life. But we are expected to be patient and use the tools God has given us to move forward day by day responsibly and with trust.

The God who gives patience knows when its time to frame the picture.


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Getting Through the Holidays When Your MIssing those in Heaven or Dodging those on Earth

“I just have to make it through the holidays.” A single friend dropped these words annually about the same time the leaves began to fall in clumps. “I dread this time of year.”

It isn’t easy to forget the impending doom and feeling “less than” if holidays became a cycle for pain. If siblings were shown favor during gift giving. Or family gatherings invited a troubling party environment of disjointed relationships and ugly personalities rather than a festive celebration of support and love.  If estrangement and alienation continue into adulthood, the holidays can evoke a feeling of emptiness when the reality of a fragmented family haunts the air by absent invitations.

I have a friend now, who is struggling with the loss of her immediate family. The pain of Christmas past, Christmas’s that can never be relived the same. Because those who loved her so greatly for so long are absent. Her original family are all in heaven and the children are adults with lives of their own. The pain of loss begins about now.

“I struggled for years at the holidays,” a woman gave a knowing nod as a group of us reflected on the heightened grief during this holiday time for many.“It’s different now because I remarried and have a new family…but it took time.”

“I struggle.” The soft voice of a widow wafted across our table. She lowered her head.

I’m just praying we can all get through the holidays with as little stress as possible and as much peace that all is at should be at this moment, wherever we are.  But how do we feed our souls the good stuff that will stick in our mind and carry to our emotions to help bridge the gap of our heart and our head? It starts with the Word of God. True. Tested. Timely.

“Your Word is my comfort in my affliction,” the Psalmist declared in Psalm 119:50 as he endured his personal desert by writing songs and prayers to God that filled his heart and mind with chords of strength

This morning, a dear friend sent a verse, a melody. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope , in the Power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Our peace comes through trusting God, His faithful presence, His promises.

Jesus walked amidst illness and death just as we do. It’s the same world. He is in heaven now and He is coming again. (John 14:1-6) One day He will make all things right. How? Because He is our Savior. As Christians, we celebrate the same good news the angels pronounced at Christmas. “Today in the city of David, a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord,”(Luke 2:11) Today, we experience His love. He is alive. It gives us hope in our journey toward the Heavenly City just as it did for the saints of old. (Heb 11:16)

The Fog of Numb

Isn’t hope a blessing? It’s the light of God in our darkness—like a Lighthouse beacon when we’re nosing through the fog on a dark sea knowing the shore is ahead. Knowing what we are experiencing now is not what will be.

So, the holiday season resurfaces feelings of grief and loss from our human brokenness and mortality. (and our pets) We need the Heavenly presence of God to see us through.

It’s as if we stood on the ship deck inching ahead, there is nothing we can do. We can’t hurry time and make the ship go faster. We have to ride out the days and nights and just stay afloat. Until the ground is at our feet, we must focus on the beacon that keeps us steady—we are able to wait. To navigate the rough waters of memories and “missing”—the fog of numb.

There will be a morning after. We will walk again on solid ground, soon. The haze will soon pass into a new year and new beginnings.

How to Get Through the Holidays Halfway Decent

Rest through the season, as much as possible. Cut out the extras that spell s-t-r-e-s-s.

Do what you can. No need to plop guilt on yourself if you can’t make a function—If it’s too much energy just to get ready, don’t go. (and stop worrying what people will think- endless pit) Is there something you can attend that would relax you and you are interested in? a play, a symphony, a community fundraiser?

Be thankful as much as possible. For anything and everything. Lights. Fragrant pines. Heat. Shoes. Good books. Work. Friends. Family. Critters. Refrigeration. Sight.

Make Someone’s Day Better. Be aware of others in your daily rounds. Let the guy bagging your groceries carry them to the car and ask him how his day is going, or what he’s doing for the holidays. Wave to your neighbors or stop and say hi. Tell a child they have a beautiful smile. Or they are smart. Feelings rise when we show care.

Evaluate – Is it solitude or isolation? Solitude recharges so you can be with others. Isolation steals—you away from yourself and others. No man is an island. If gregarious groups are too overload, pick up the phone and arrange to meet someone whether planned or spontaneous. If the phone takes too much energy, email or text.(if you send to more than one person you have a better chance of connecting with someone if it’s unplanned) Coffee? a walk or movie? Can you invite someone over to watch a game or movie at your house? Make popcorn or throw a pizza in the oven. It doesn’t have to be fancy.

Exercise, Engage. Get out even if a ten minute walk a day. Bike to the haircut. or library. Go to the gym. Walk the dog. Build a planter. Garden.  Is there a parent who needs to run errands, or have a break. Can you watch their kids? That will burn calories. Children bring a trust and candid curiosity—a genuine character that refreshes.

Serve others in some way, if possible. However you do not need to serve to be loved by God or prove you are a good person. Only serve because it is something you feel God wants you to do for others and for your emotional health. Contributing, whether in the form of service or financial, must be given without resentment. God loves a cheerful giver. There is a time to give and a time to receive. Be mindful of enough. Volunteering for one thing at one time slot is okay. More is not necessarily better.

Know you are greatly loved by God the Father, Jesus Christ His Son and the Holy Spirit. (John 3:16, 14:23) You are never alone. There is a family of God that you belong to. Meet with them, whether in homes or at church. The Lord is with you.

Read God’s Word. The Psalms. Luke. John 14-16. Romans 8. Hebrews, 1 Peter 1  or           Listen with Bible Gateway (free app). Charles Stanley, or Chuck Swindoll (podcasts, radio)

Faith comes from hearing the message and the message is heard through the Word of Christ.    Romans 10:17


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Prayer and the Land of Entitlement

Yesterday my husband told me about a middle aged man who started a Christian motorcycle club for his friends. He planned trips and it started to grow. It was going really good for awhile. But then one man had a heart attack. Another took a spill on his bike and broke a leg. Someone’s aunt had cancer and asked him to pray for her. Pretty soon, he had so many prayer requests he felt burdened. Too many people having issues. It wasn’t fun—so he stopped. Why?

This morning I was thinking. The worst place for my mind to wander is into that Land of Entitlement. Have you been there?

It doesn’t matter how old we are, when that thinking starts discontent begins.

The thinking I don’t want a life of any problems or to hear about any more problems.

Well, we all know the truth is there is a circle of life we live in and so do those in our circle!  It goes like this:  “WE are either going into a trial (problem or testing) and amping up courage and wisdom to face it. We are in a trial and taking life daily, leaning on God to get us through. Or we are coming out of a trial hopefully having developed insights and character and a closeness with God—being the better for it. It is the circle of life.

“I have worked hard and put up with alot. I need to be able to rest without responsibilities.”

“I don’t want any drama. Just quiet and control—not controlling chaos. ( or listening to it.)”

“I have had financial difficulties before. Do I have to deal with them again God?” or someone else’s?

“Okay, I know my back is an issue, but not my knee…Really? “My spouse, child, nephew, neice , grandchild, co-worker, friend, dog, cat, just got well. What is going on now?”

“I brush my teeth every day! How can I have a cavity?”

The list goes on. And the older we get…every decade has a new set. I thought it would lessen when I reached a certain age, had a certain job, lived in a certain place, changed people around me, etc. etc. We cannot escape the unescapable. We will never be entitled to any benefits on this side of heaven other than the blessing of belonging to God, experiencing His love and the people He has given us to love.

Love means not only do we cast our cares on God because he cares for us, but we share care with our friends and family, because we care for them. We care about our parents, we care about the kids. We care about our friends and their kids. One prayer is sent out and five boomerang back. There is no motorcycle ride away from reality.

Instead more than ever, God is calling us to stay engaged. To trust. To keep sending up prayers to Him. Shooting star prayers, a friend once called them. Not prayers to load in our pockets and carry around all day. Release them to God in the morning in the evening, in our car on our breaks. Just shoot them up to God… and Let go. Honor Him with trust.

Only He is Able. Only He can help. It is a blessing to text my prayer requests to friends and feel physically eased and mentally relieved as the burdens lift. It is a blessing to give as I have been given and reciprocate for others. All of us depend on Him to answer sooner…or later. How we hope or surrender to even the worse case scenario, He can bring good in ways we cannot envision, determines our peace. A rainbow after a storm is a slice of beauty, even standing in wreckage.

“I will rescue my flock” Ezekiel 34:10

He is our Shepherd. He is our Rock, an anchor when the waves roll into tropical storms. We need to let the One who can walk on water lead us on and keep our eyes fixed on Him. Even if we see another storm rising in the horizon. Roll our eyes off the dark skies and rising winds and look at our Help. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Let the other sounds mute. Reach for the helping Hand of our Almighty God, not the almighty dollar or Uncle Sam. Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things you have not seen. Jeremiah 33:3. Look for the unexplainable and the miracle which can’t be reckoned.

I recently read how a tourist in Jerusalem watched a little Jewish boy panic, separated across the street from his dad. “Abba , abba” he cried. A man crossed the street and swept the little boy up in his arms. The boy quieted, safe in his daddy’s arms.

WE are safe, our friends and family are safe, when we yell “Help” to our Abba Father. He has the whole world in His hands. His eyes are on the faithful in the land. He knows what to do. He has the wisdom and guidance to light our way through the darkness of difficulty and crisis of challenges in our lives. He has the counsel, He knows the connection to a multitude of counselors who can lead us safely with perspective and wisdom to make those decisions precisely at the Y in the road we need to navigate with jurisprudence. He will not let us stumble. His Word is a lamp to our feet and light to our path when we need to make good choices regarding health, finances, work and relationships.

We will never find refuge from care by dropping out or planning escape—watching reality shows about Pleasure Islands. Rather relief and comfort come when we call on Him for help like that little boy. Let God be to you the Father Jesus came to tell us about. “I am always working and my Father is always working,” he explained then as now (John 5:17) . Behind the scenes, upstream and out of sight. Just around the bend…He is working His will in all things as we ask and pray and believe.

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Suicide and Sympathy

I don’t blame Robin Williams’s daughter for wanting out of social media sites after she received discouraging posts/ unwanted trolls. People will be judgmental in the face of suffering.

Last week visiting a group of friends the topic of suicide emerged in light of the beloved actor’s untimely death.

“I am tired of the comments some visitors make to those suffering from chronic illnesses, “my nurse friend sighed—the undue guilt thrust on a patient when they don’t get well—labeled lack of faith.”

In the book of Acts Paul was hailed as a hero to islanders after he survived a horrific storm at sea and helped rescue all aboard. However, as soon as a viper bit him at a group campfire, his admirers abruptly changed their opinion. Obviously, Paul wasn’t in God’s good favor or protection or he wouldn’t now face a torturous death from poison—which he survived. Superstitious and judgmental, Paul quickly became the brunt of his host’s unmerciful criticism. Jesus said the rain falls on the just and the unjust. At some point stuff happens to all, in this imperfect atmosphere called earth.

When I was twenty-something, a Christian friend from high school committed suicide. Tormented by the mental disease that had aborted his mother’s life, he won a football scholarship pointing toward a promising future—but lost the battles in his mind. He had a deep faith. He loved Jesus and literally handed his jacket to a cold homeless man on the street. He was loved and he was judged.

“He is not going to heaven,”

“How come?”

“Because he murdered—himself.”

How would that theology play out with Jesus who walked with us according to God’s sovereign plan of redemption? He himself endured scathing critics and yet consistently showed compassion to the sick of all categories: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual.

 In Luke 18:1 he said, “Men ought always to pray and not to faint.”

Do you think if a person faints that God will then turn his back on them?

It is always difficult to navigate questions that torpedo in bringing a myriad of emotional fallout in the face of unexplained human hellholes. The devil advocates falsely to God’s lack of love and goodwill toward the weak or burdened, sick and harassed.

Yet, According to Isaiah 42:3 the Anointed One will not even throw out a damaged plant. “A bruised reed He will not break. And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish…” He tends the plant and flames the fire.

Isn’t it interesting this prophetic verse is recited by Jesus in Matthew 12:20 in-between healing two illnesses, one physical and one spiritual? Targeted, Jesus is rebuked for healing a man’s hand on the wrong day of the week and criticized for delivering a man who was demonized.

 Biblical references abound where God addresses our human fear. Jesus admonishes His disciples to trust and not fear throughout the gospels. Would His character be consistent to punish the timid? Didn’t he reach out His hand to Peter even as he began to sink with anxiety on the sea, after an initial burst of courage?

Those who receive Jesus Christ as Lord, wear His robe of righteousness. The moment we reach to Him for salvation, for help and deliverance from the ultimate darkness of eternal life without His love and eternal presence, we are forgiven. If we deny we need His Act of Mercy at the cross for us then we are on our own. We have no High Priest to cover our sin, our failures, and our junk. If we believe we are good enough to worship at the Throne of God with all the angels of heaven who adore the Lamb who was slain for us ( Revelations 5:11,12)…then we are truly done.

King David expresses many prayers to the Lord for strength as in Psalm 31:24 “Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord.”

Again, what happens if our hearts fail and weaken and we lose hope and courage? Is our Savior One who is unmerciful and unforgiving, non-compassionate and judgmental of our human flaws?

Rather, the Scriptures teach eternal Death comes by pride. And separation from God by haughtiness, not by weakness. 

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Wings of Hope

  One morning  I visited the boys lockdown unit at Juvenile Hall and stepped on a folded paper. Curious, I picked it up—I could only imagine what it might contain. To my delight I stared at two penciled sketches of birds hovering in the air. How appropriate and beautiful. A young delinquent dreamt of winged creatures and drew them thoughtfully, now stuck behind cement walls.

Wings. Maybe he will never look at wings the same again.

I was mesmerized by the beautiful wings so viciously separated from Malificent in the recent Disney movie. Displayed in a glass barred case, secured and chained to prevent their use—all seemed wrong. Once restored and united to Malificent—surging  with power and expression and purpose—all seemed right again.

During wait for our nephew Patrick’s lungs, over a year ago, my husband and I found shells joined together at Laguna Beach. The shape of the shells resembled wings—even, lungs. Shells washed ashore as a gift from the sea, became a symbol of hope  to us from our Creator. Lungs on Wings became the prayer expression of thegift of lungs we knew could only come from heaven through the great exchange of life. Other times at other shores accompanied by prayers, we would collect more gifts from the sea and wait expectantly.

“What wings are to a bird, prayer is to our soul,” Corrie Ten Boom said. Prayer brings wings to our faith, to soar above our circumstances. The prayers crisscrossing from earth to heaven since my nephew needed a bilateral lung transplant as a result of his congenital disease of cystic fibrosis—echoed from thousands of people around the world. God sent Lungs on Wings and in His divine providence, granted Patrick the freedom to breathe, the gift of life—only two weeks ago.

Two days after his miraculous surgery of Monday, July 7th (which happened to be the very day of his true love, Nicole’s birthday) I drove past Daly City enroute to Stanford. A lone gull, wings outstretched in calm peace, glided on an invisible current above me. As I scanned the Bay cities from my vantage point, the nose of a plane pointed down, down toward a San Francisco airport runway. I focused on the dominant wings, that would land that heavy plane at it’s journeys end.

Wings.   I will never look at wings the same again.

Wings that soar above the daily traffic of life. Wings buoyed by wind, created by God and man who is made in His image and intellect.   To transport, to move beyond the immediate—the terrestrial…into the the realms of the celestial sky.

Wings are freedom and strength   Created in love. Intelligent design.   Wings mean purpose, provision and peace.   Power and Hope. Wings represent God’s heavenly existence, His presence on earth.

Are you feeling grounded? Stuck? Hopeless? Take a moment to be still today. “Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10 admonishes. Cease striving is the Hebrew translation. Look up. Pray. Ask God to renew your hope—a simple prayer that works in the deeps of our soul. Miracles never cease.

Jesus lives. Healing, leading, loving, comforting. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Give us help from trouble, for the help of man is useless.” Psalm 108:12

I will say to the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress. My God. In Him I will trust… Surely He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers and under His wings you shall take refuge.” Psalm 91:2-3

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A Song , A Psalm for the Weary Soul


desert storm

“I made it through that difficult time by praying and putting on praise music,” a friend recently shared when asked how she walked through a time of depression and angst.

I myself have found the Word of God and music to move beyond reason and my limited understanding to provide water to a dry soul.

How many times when our hearts are weary or low do we put on music that soothes our hearts?

In the book of Job, 9:27, the man afflicted with the loss of his children, home, health and business said, “I will leave off my heaviness and comfort myself.”In Isaiah 61:3 the great prophet wrote, “God consoles those who mourn by giving them a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness.” When we reach for the earpiece or headphone or cd…it is a step toward serenity.

King David, warrior, King,writer, shepherd, worshipper of God wrote over 3000 Psalms—many reflecting troubled times. From the age of twenty-something, he cried out to God sharing his souls anguish and embittered mind,  only to consistently end his songs with comforting thoughts. A will to hope and express faith in a Mighty God beyond what his feelings dictated. A trust God would contend with enemies that assailed him relentlessly. The upward gaze was modeled byMoses too, the oldest author of the psalms who wrote Psalm 90 !

The Psalms, also called the Psalterium “ A Collection of Songs” to be used with Musical instruments, are located in the middle of the Bible. They were written by various men of God, but we can experience our own peace in the twenty-first century by reading them, singing them to musical instruments or by stringing them together –pulling out the verses that mean most to our particular situation and writing them out.

Recently I found a medley of Psalms I puzzled together in my late twenties after returning from overseas as a  traveling missionary–completely on empty. The job market had changed, I needed to adjust to new surroundings, friends, church ill with some bug that lasted a couple months. Unsure what my new direction was … the psalms helped express what I needed to say. Here is what I came up with and as timeless as music is…still comforts today.

“When I am afraid I will trust in you. In God whose Word I praise. In God I trust. I will not be afraid for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until this disaster has passed. I said, “oh that I had the wings of a dove, I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert. I would hurry to my place of shelter far from the tempest and storm. But I call to God and the Lord hears me. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged before me. I give vows to you O God, for you have delivered my soul from death and my feet from stumbling that I may walk before you in the light of life. Cast your cares upon the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never suffer the righteous to be moved.

 Your love O Lord reaches to the heavens.

Your faithfulness to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains.

Your justice a great deep.

O Lord you preserve both man and beast.  How priceless is your unfailing love?

 Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings. You will cover us with your feathers and

Under your wings we will find refuge. Your faithfulness will be my shield and rampart. He who dwells in the secret place of the most High will rest in the Shadow of the Almighty. The Lord our God in the midst of us is mighty. He will save

He will rejoice over us with joy. He will rest in His love, He will joy over us with singing” (Zeph 3:17 last verse)

If you are weary and wondering and praying…try going through the psalms and finding relief through prayer. God hears you and loves you.

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